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| My Life |
I guess I kinda miss that guy. Although killing small rodents is the first sign of a serial killer. So I guess having him out of our space AND time isn't so bad.
Niamh
Monday 25 June 2012
Friday 8 June 2012
The Hazards Of Being A Bus Wanker.....
On moving to the supposedly warmer climes of Switzerland (it has rained 7 of 10 days here), I looked forward to no longer being Bus Wanker all summer. The thoughts of a sophisticated Metro System or even commuter train were oddly alluring. Alas it is not so and I get the bus to work. It would seem I will forever be a bus wanker. However, the buses here are far superior to the Irish service. This is not about timetables, routes or displays but the people on these buses. The whole experience is just nicer and I think I know why. It's because two particular things are missing......
School Acquaintances
Not school friends, these are people who merely existed near you for 5/6 years. If you’re lucky you will see them
first. From a distance at first but as they approach an ever increasing feeling
on doom begins to weigh on you. The Blackness is closing in and so are they.
You have not seen him in nearly three years and for the most part that has been
intentional. But now you scramble hoping to somehow avoid the inevitable. You
start reading the Metro on the bus because your iPod died and if you don’t look
like you’re otherwise engaged that weird, smelly kid you went to school with
might try talk to you and it is too early for you to sit, listen and nod
politely as they detail every tiny insignificant facet of their depressing
life, from the child he and his Gorgon like girlfriend are expecting after
knowing each other six minutes, or how he is doing his sixth Fás course because
bee-keeping didn’t really work out, or how his brother is getting on great in
Australia which you find particularly aggravating because you have not even met
this brother and you know that if you did see him it would most likely be on a
Saturday night outside 21s spitting in a bouncers face , but I don’t want to be
too specific.
This is a difficult situation
with no clear resolution. Also it becomes worse if you see someone you do want
to talk to but they ignore you. Are you one of the smelly, weird kids? Odds are
yes, yes you are. So if this painful realisation should ever dawn on you
please, please leave us alone. We merely want to ride the bus in peace and get
through this depressing experience without you making us feel worse.
Loud People
There is always one person. What
ever happened to proper bus etiquette? It is now all too common place for
people to play their music not through headphones, or to carry on a phone
conversation as loudly as possible. There is one incident I will never forget. A
girl sat at least half the length of the bus from me was screaming down the
phone about how “He is a player! That’s what you get. I said don’t mess with
‘im”. To help you picture this she was Nigerian me thinks. A thick accent that
only added to the absurdity of the conversation. “I don’t need this in my life
right now. I don’t need this drama in my life right now”. This was
repeated and was funny at first. I was almost interested in this girl’s life
and problems. This interest quickly turned to petulance and I am ashamed to say
I was not above over the shoulder glances and snorts of derision. But bus
etiquette goddammit! This is not the place for you to air you grievances and
definitely not at a volume akin to a shuttle launch. “Drama, drama, drama,
drama, drama, drama!” she shouted at one point, which admittedly had me burst
into laughter. Laughter which garnered daggers from this half-wit, who was
clearly revelling in her drama.The bus is a place for hushed
tones and personal music. The worst part is there is no established manner in
which to tell people to shut up! See: Maeve Higgins Bus Sketch below
I trust this settles the matter and when I return in September these problems will never again trouble me. I have seen the future, Irish bus users, and it is peaceful.
Dave,
Former Hula Hoops Spokesman
Thursday 7 June 2012
This entry will soon be a key feature in a therapist's file on me.
Clearly for the last month neither Dave or I have done much worthy of writing about (except moving to Switzerland, but the Swiss are fairly taciturn and really who wants to hear about that?) . Between exams and unemployment, I'm in a perfect position to write a glowing review of tea, but since there's sure to be a unanimous "Tea is awesome" response, that's pointless in and of itself.
Today I was quite hungover, and after waking up mid-afternoon, indulged in a day of comforting "Cure Movies" (and tea, oh was there tea). It was lovely, and happily seemed to arrange itself in accordance with each level of hangover, so without much ado, here are my Top 5 Hangover Movies:
The First Wives Club
Bette Midler, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn, wreaking revenge on their cheating, cradle snatching husbands. I love this film an indecent amount. Sarah Jessica Parker as Midler's shallow, anorexic nemesis, and Maggie Smith as a jaded New York socialite, are just perfect in this dark comedy about sisters doing it for themselves (ugh, sorry, but that song DOES feature, and during a montage too; the best montage EVER). Essentially, when I'm older I want to be these women, teaming up to use underhanded methods to get what's theirs damn it!
Hangover Stage: High spirits, full of delightful memories of a friend filled night, perhaps still slightly drunk, happy to talk to the television as if it were a person.
Favourite Scene: Midler, Hawn and Keaton reveal their elaborate plans to their gobsmacked ex-husbands, who slowly realise that their lives have been thorn asunder. (Also Brenda holding Elysse's Oscar and saying "Does it say 'I beat Meryl?'". All the LOLs).
Legally Blonde
Everyone has that movie that they can watch over and over, without it losing an ounce of its original charm. For me that movie is Legally Blonde. Its also one of the few movies that makes me cry nearly from beginning to end, with or without hangover. Yes, Legally Blonde, the feel good comedy, makes me cry almost continuously. I cry when she gets the required SAT scores, I cry when the mean girls trick her into dressing like a whore, I cry when she's unjustly accused of of sexing her way to success, I cry when she makes her glorious return.. Elle Woods for Prez.
Hangover Stage: Sobering up, want a friend around to give reassuring cuddles and morning after chats.. LB is that friend.
Favourite Scene: The final cross-examination when Elle tricks Whitney into revealing her murderous secret.. (Ugh, seriously, I'm so sorry).
Strictly Ballroom
WHY HAVEN'T MORE PEOPLE SEEN STRICTLY BALLROOM!? Definitely my favourite film on this list, and possibly any list. Everything I love about Baz Luhrman; sparkly, cheesily tongue-in-cheek, endearing. I shouldn't be as sensitive to the backwards world of Australian Ballroom Dancing as I am but this movie just makes me wish I could Rumba. Scott is too handsome to engage in such a sport; the best part is Fran's gradual and *cough* subtle progression from dowdy loser to stunning ballroom dancing superstar, its responsible for 74% of all my self-image perceptions. Its about passion, not the rules. A PASSION FOR BALLROOM! I'm too emotionally attached to write a logical synopsis of this movie. Everyone just watch it.
Hangover Stage: The beginning of hangover depression/The Fear, desperately trying to pull out of it with a movie that fills with joy.
Favourite Scene: Scott and Fran's learning to dance/learning to love montage, to the absolute gem of Time After Time.. Tears. Laughter. Dancing. All together now IF YOU'RE LOST YOU CAN LOOK AND YOU WILL FIND ME.... TIME AFTER TIME. (Alternatively Love is in the Air to close on.. This film is eclipsed only by its soundtrack.)
Moulin Rouge
So at this stage I'm in the Baz Luhrman zone, and what better than possibly his most ridiculous film to make it a Luhrman double feature. Having descended into full-blown, alcohol deficient depression, Moulin Rouge is tragic enough to indulge in some unjustified moroseness, but showy enough to distract me from a full blown weeping session. And I can sing along to the songs!
Hangover Stage: Bleak.
Favourite Scene: ROOOOXXXXXXANNE!
Monsters Inc
So by now I'm emotionally spent, and tired from my lack of sleep last night anyway. So I want something to soothe me into gentle, welcoming unconsciousness.. My favourite Pixar movie, it restores my faith in humanity, quite a feat considering it features one human, who is too young to have developed any empathetic tendencies thus far... But shes pretty frickin aborable.
Hangover Stage: That's enough being alive for one day.
Favourite Scene: The very last scene when Sully opens the door, looking expectantly in, to hear "Kitty!" Tears. As usual.
Join us next week, when I'll be discussing my unruly emotions that seem to be accompanying my drinking problem. Yikes.
Niamh
Today I was quite hungover, and after waking up mid-afternoon, indulged in a day of comforting "Cure Movies" (and tea, oh was there tea). It was lovely, and happily seemed to arrange itself in accordance with each level of hangover, so without much ado, here are my Top 5 Hangover Movies:
The First Wives Club
Bette Midler, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn, wreaking revenge on their cheating, cradle snatching husbands. I love this film an indecent amount. Sarah Jessica Parker as Midler's shallow, anorexic nemesis, and Maggie Smith as a jaded New York socialite, are just perfect in this dark comedy about sisters doing it for themselves (ugh, sorry, but that song DOES feature, and during a montage too; the best montage EVER). Essentially, when I'm older I want to be these women, teaming up to use underhanded methods to get what's theirs damn it!
Hangover Stage: High spirits, full of delightful memories of a friend filled night, perhaps still slightly drunk, happy to talk to the television as if it were a person.
Favourite Scene: Midler, Hawn and Keaton reveal their elaborate plans to their gobsmacked ex-husbands, who slowly realise that their lives have been thorn asunder. (Also Brenda holding Elysse's Oscar and saying "Does it say 'I beat Meryl?'". All the LOLs).
Legally Blonde
Everyone has that movie that they can watch over and over, without it losing an ounce of its original charm. For me that movie is Legally Blonde. Its also one of the few movies that makes me cry nearly from beginning to end, with or without hangover. Yes, Legally Blonde, the feel good comedy, makes me cry almost continuously. I cry when she gets the required SAT scores, I cry when the mean girls trick her into dressing like a whore, I cry when she's unjustly accused of of sexing her way to success, I cry when she makes her glorious return.. Elle Woods for Prez.
Hangover Stage: Sobering up, want a friend around to give reassuring cuddles and morning after chats.. LB is that friend.
Favourite Scene: The final cross-examination when Elle tricks Whitney into revealing her murderous secret.. (Ugh, seriously, I'm so sorry).
Strictly Ballroom
WHY HAVEN'T MORE PEOPLE SEEN STRICTLY BALLROOM!? Definitely my favourite film on this list, and possibly any list. Everything I love about Baz Luhrman; sparkly, cheesily tongue-in-cheek, endearing. I shouldn't be as sensitive to the backwards world of Australian Ballroom Dancing as I am but this movie just makes me wish I could Rumba. Scott is too handsome to engage in such a sport; the best part is Fran's gradual and *cough* subtle progression from dowdy loser to stunning ballroom dancing superstar, its responsible for 74% of all my self-image perceptions. Its about passion, not the rules. A PASSION FOR BALLROOM! I'm too emotionally attached to write a logical synopsis of this movie. Everyone just watch it.
Hangover Stage: The beginning of hangover depression/The Fear, desperately trying to pull out of it with a movie that fills with joy.
Favourite Scene: Scott and Fran's learning to dance/learning to love montage, to the absolute gem of Time After Time.. Tears. Laughter. Dancing. All together now IF YOU'RE LOST YOU CAN LOOK AND YOU WILL FIND ME.... TIME AFTER TIME. (Alternatively Love is in the Air to close on.. This film is eclipsed only by its soundtrack.)
Moulin Rouge
So at this stage I'm in the Baz Luhrman zone, and what better than possibly his most ridiculous film to make it a Luhrman double feature. Having descended into full-blown, alcohol deficient depression, Moulin Rouge is tragic enough to indulge in some unjustified moroseness, but showy enough to distract me from a full blown weeping session. And I can sing along to the songs!
Hangover Stage: Bleak.
Favourite Scene: ROOOOXXXXXXANNE!
Monsters Inc
So by now I'm emotionally spent, and tired from my lack of sleep last night anyway. So I want something to soothe me into gentle, welcoming unconsciousness.. My favourite Pixar movie, it restores my faith in humanity, quite a feat considering it features one human, who is too young to have developed any empathetic tendencies thus far... But shes pretty frickin aborable.
Hangover Stage: That's enough being alive for one day.
Favourite Scene: The very last scene when Sully opens the door, looking expectantly in, to hear "Kitty!" Tears. As usual.
Join us next week, when I'll be discussing my unruly emotions that seem to be accompanying my drinking problem. Yikes.
Niamh
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