Move over John Lennon's "Imagine"!

First of all; YAY AMERICA! You guys just keep knockin' em out of the park!

Now, lets talk about the song! Oh my God, I'm so excited!

The first 18 seconds appear to be a shot of a statue of Athena, the goddess of wisdom, writer of the song, if I'm not mistaken. It sets us up nicely for the rest of the video, which is frankly out of this world.

"Look at me and tell me the truth
What do you do
When people don't know
What we go through?"


I think she wants the entire world to rise up-in-arms in abject horror whenever she's slightly mistreated or poorly judged because of her mind-blowing appearance.  The opening of the song is a direct accusation against humanity, like Bono and Geldoff done did at Live8. We, as a people, are not doing enough about this pressing issue, and something must be done.

"They see my blond hair,
Blue eyes and class,
But they don't know,
I have a really big heart."


Oh.... They said heart... I thought they were gonna say something else.

"Don't get me wrong,
I know that I'm hot,
But textbook perfection really takes a lot."


One of the real tear-jerking lines of the song. The thing about being wildly attractive is the real lack of appreciation for all the hard work it takes. I mean, they're doing us a favour, and what do we do? Throw is back in their exfoliated, moisturised faces! They could be putting that time and effort into charity work or getting a good education and they're not. Now WHERE IS THE THANKS, HUH?? You people disgust me.

"We're not perfect and sometimes we lie."

That right there is character depth. Wes Anderson couldn't write personalities that multi-sided and endearing.

"I got the look, 
I got the butt,
But those things don't make me a ____"


Don't make you a what DONT MAKE YOU A WHAT!?!?!

"Just cos I'm pretty,
Don't mean I'm dumb
I don't care about wits
I just wanna have fun."


Uuuhhh. This is a little harder to decipher. At first glance it's hard to distinguish what exactly she's trying to say. I know it looks like she's a complete fucking idiot, who is totally contradicting herself and offending attractive women everywhere by standing for them in this complete and utter massacre she calls a pop song, with her complete disregard and misunderstanding of the English language.. But I probably only think that because I am a raging feminist lesbian.

"People start rumours
And say things about me
Funny thing is,
I didn't go to that party."


This requires a little context; unfortunately we don't have that.

OK now they break down into a little rap bridge thing. Lets do this!

"Why oh why
Can't you see
You are all
Just like me,
We make mistakes and get in trouble
Now you see our hot girl struggle."


I mean, its a revelation. Take away the beat and this could be a work of poetry, as like all good poetry it allows us a glimpse into the world and uphill battles of others. Its the dilemma of our time, unknown to most and the duty of the truly great (hot) among us to bring it to the attention of the world. These girls are our Ginsberg, God damn it!

"Hot girls we have problems too,
We're just like you,
Except we're hot."


Wait.... I'm not hot?


WHY ARE THEY IN A FUCKING LIMO?!

Niamh (Rose of Tralee; 1987)

PS. When Dave found out this video was real his response was:
"I despair for humanity.
Although I do feel for the hot girls."
The universal reaction.

You're Not Making The Compelling Case You Think You Are

This post is a long time coming. I've been stewing over this point for a long time. I'm referring to something that happened during the campaign to find the GOP candidate in America earlier this year. Glitter Bombing is a new technique taken on by a Gay Rights Activist Group called the Glitteratti. I will preface this blog by saying: I think the gays are a great bunch of lads but this does not help them.

The Glitterati is a fucking retarded name. If you want to be seen as a serious activist group don't let the guy dressed as Lady Gaga (in the Bad Romance Video is how I'm imaging him but any outfit will do) pick your name. It sounds like something from a bad, pun based sitcom. It is truly awful and forces you down from the moral high ground.

If you wish to be taken seriously as a group of people with something serious to say, don't be a stereotype. The protester may as well have slapped Romney, called him a "Stupid Betch" and run away with his scarf draped elegantly over his shoulder. Campaigning for equal rights, gay marriage and an end to homophobia only work if you don't stop for a Glitter Fight half way thorugh!

Glitter is not conducive to political change. Not even that but Romney and Santorum promptly continued their speeches; nothing actually happened. If you're going to throw shit, make it heavy. Throwing heavy things is never taken lightly (PUN!!).

Well rant complete and no one cared but I feel better for it!

Dave,
Mustard Enthusiast

Sometimes I Miss You So Much It Hurts

The Bromance is a trend that has certainly taken off in the last number of years. With so many movies popularising the phenomenon it was never going to be long before the men every were locked in sweaty embrace. I have what would be classified as a Bromance with, oh lets say Eric C, no that's too obvious, E. Conway. For the first semester of this year we were thought of as a couple, with people often commenting if we weren't together. And our "relationship", for lack of a better term, has many of the features of all normal relationships.

Pride
I feel proud of him when people tell me they like him. This rather embarrassing revelation dawned on me on my J1. Eric came over to visit me, obviously he missed me terribly. He had never met my two roommates and as I was working he would be spending a lot of time with them. I was nervous how they would get on, as Eric is so very, very odd. But he was a hit and when this was acknowledged I was stupidly pleased. He had the seal of approval from my oldest friends! This was joyous news. But obviously I didn't let on. Totally played it cool. Did what every normal guy does, kept those emotions inside for months and then wrote them in a blog, just like everyone does.

Jealousy
Starting third year with an entirely new class was initially very daunting. Eric and I having already been bros kinda stuck together, slowly but cautiously getting to know the rest of the group. Thankfully they're all great and Eric took a particular initial shine to Graham. Graham, that wispy haired harlot. Well they quickly became close, sharing private jokes, attending Botany together and even living nearer to each other than Eric and I do. I took this betrayal with quiet indignation, all the time the contempt for this new cheap floozy bubbling just beneath the surface. But as in all these situations I realised I was being petty and jealous and I soon accepted Graham for who he is, a dangerous sexual deviant who must be stopped.

Despite these challenges Bromances everywhere remain strong and ever on the increase. I like to think the future is bright for E. Conway and I, but only time will tell. In the mean time, I think this says everything I cannot.

Dave,
Qualified Horse Whisperer

There are no words for this.

http://www.friatider.se/shocking-photos-shows-swedish-minister-of-culture-celebrating-with-niger-cake

I have some questions.

1. WHO THINKS UP THIS IDEA FOR A CAKE?
2. HOW MANY PEOPLE DID THE IDEA GO THROUGH BEFORE THE CAKE CAME INTO BEING?
3. WHO THINKS ITS A GOOD IDEA TO USE THE CAKE IN A CULTURE FESTIVAL?
4. WHO DECIDES TO SLICE INTO THE VAGINA OF THE CAKE (A PHRASE THAT SHOULD NEVER BE USED EVER) AND FOR THE INSIDE OF THE VAGINA TO BE RED?
5. WHO THINKS ITS FUNNY FOR THE CAKE TO BE ACCOMPANIED BY SOMEONE IN BLACK FACE WHO SCREAMS WHENEVER THE CAKE VAGINA IS SLICED?

I have never been closer to vomiting at something on the internet. I am offended on every single moral level.

"Lena Adelsohn Liljeroth was invited to open the festivities by performing a clitoridectomy on the cake"

SHE IS THE CULTURE MINISTER. THE MINISTER FOR CULTURE. WHO IS A WOMAN. AND A HUMAN BEING.

Here she is feeding the cake, some of its own vagina. 

I've lost all faith in humanity.

Niamh